Three words: Brandon Mycal Symth

Ok...sooo...Im in love with him lol hes on the disney channel sonny with a chance as crazy grady! So hes not drop dead goregous, and hes not uber sexy. But theres something about him, that makes me want to stare at him all day. Never really been a girl on looks, but mostly about swag/ personality. Since hes on disney i thought i was crushing on a youngin- but he was born in 89, which means hes 20! Hes crazy funny, very stylish, and just seems like a really good guy= so sexy 2 me. Brandon if your ever in the dmv, please get at me ;)

Tyler Shields Kills me, in the best way possible.

Now that im getting into photography, im always looking at different photographers work.Aside from dave a la chapelle, there are very few that ppl that share my dirty, rough, and alot of times controversial aestic. I loved him because his pics and witty and just dirty, in the cleanest way possible.=]

Why me suddenly makes sense

Ever been one of those why me? people. I sure enough have. For a huge part of my life, I've always wondered why me? why do i have to be person who gets these things thrown at her in life? Why am i suffering when my friends are chillin? why are they chillin when im the one who really has a realtionship with christ while most of them are out clappin @ the go-gos! Sometimes i think the way i was livin my life was in vain. i mean im having faith and im commited 2 God, spending time, praising, helping out, doing what seems like everything right(but im no where near perfect). and as soon as it comes time for me to swipe my faith card, the chasier gives me it back saying acess denied. Today was one of those days. In the mist of turmoil i was rocking my faith t-shirt, speaking word, praying, crying out to him and when i just knew it would work out...it didnt. I tried to hold it together, but then i fell into the Why Me? I was pissed off, crying, and when God finally did make a way out of the situation i didnt even want to part my lips 2 say Thank you. I was still stuck on the why me?( which ladies & fellas is a dangerous place)
Once I got home and got a chance to get out of my feelings i was ashamed of myself. i know everyone has their down moments, but it made me upset to think that i wiped out all the miracolous blessings God did for me in a matter on minutes. all because one thing didnt go how i wanted it to. This is def something i struggle with, wondering why suffering happens to good ppl. Then i was able to pick up my word and see that God purifies our life through trials. with Job he use that test as an oppurtunity to build charecter and faith. just like job, i was shown that i was a lil self rightoues and prideful. But now i see that Gods ways and not our ways. I will never understand why what happened 2day happened, or why my father passed.I have fully understood that we will never understand suffering. But through our trials we build strength and charecter. I am alot stronger now then i was then, not only that but im, blessed even more. God does so much that we take for granted. here i am wishing that i wouldnt have the up side down rollercoaster of happiness and trials, when i see so many poor people in the street who dont even have money to order from the dollar menu.Look for a blessing even in your trial, theres always a rainbow after a storm.Your delay is nevera denal. Just keep pushing. Im a walking testimony, things do get better

Iron sharpens Iron

Its so hard to see that the hardest things you go through now is what makes you stronger in the future. i was just chilling the other day Thanking God how all those times i wanted to stop i didnt. ive been through some ruff things in my life & at the moment i really kept questioning why in the world am i going through this. Little did i know things such as me being friendless sometimes would make me a stronger and independent person. I hate seeing some people not being able to be ok being by themselves. Always wanting to be around someone, always have to be texting someone, and cant stand on their own two feet. I love the fact that i dont need peoples attention to make me happy! it sounds all good but it took a lot of sad nights to get to where im at now.I just keep thinking, man if i wouldve gave up when i wanted to, i wouldn't be able to be the amazing, beautiful, and blessed person that i am today.
My youth pastor said "iron sharpens iron". man is that true. im back at one of those spots again, where im like God whats happening man? why you changing up stuff i thought everything was cool.? the funny thing about God is that you never know what hes going to do & when hes going to do it or how hard its going to be. Like i menetioned in my other blog i hate change, and right now i really wish this certain situation would be left alone but im not God. & As much as i hate this decision i know its the right one( i guess =[ lol) im dreading it alot but it has brought me a little closer to God. I'm able to be more real with him and i saw how great of a super duper bff he is =] As hard as it is, i have to trust God and let him comfort me in my sadness(Matthew 5:4)~Gatsby

SHUT UP &JUMP

Psalm 56:4 "In God I will praise his word, in God I have put my trust:I will not fear what flesh can do unto me." Dag God did you write this scripture with exactly with me in mind? In my midst of spending time with God, he had me stumble across some great word. The theme has been recurring over and over in my Life. Ive been meet with some challenges that have MADE me step into my potential that Ive been so afraid to let out. My pastor Preached on success on Sunday. Now i find this amazing article about fear from the Joyce Meyer Website(Shes a really cool straightforward preacher).
"While doubt is the fear of making mistakes and having negative things happen to us, confidence is having faith in God’s love for us."-Joyce Meyer. I read this and then i got a big ol Epiphany right upside my head! *BANG* I never realized where my trouble with making decisions came from. From those of y'all know me, know that i have so much trouble making decisions. I will spend 10-20 minutes deciding what earrings i will buy. I will put them back, pick them up, leave the store, come back and get them, then put them back lol Yo Just last nite i spent 20 minutes tryna decide what kind of ben & jerrys ice cream i wanted. i circled the supermarket about two times, tryna make my decision. I never though about the fact that put some much pressure on decisions because im so fearful of being wrong.i have a lot of gifts(modeling,singing,acting) that ive never tapped into nearly as much as i shouldve because im afraid of looking stupid.But God didn't give the spirit of fear! After years of being indecisive and calling up everybody n theyre mama to help me make decisions.Im ready to do what Gods put inside of me. Im ready to jump full on and if i crash and burn then at least ill crash and burn wearing the hottest outfit.-Gatsby

I'll Just Dance in the rain yo.

LOVE THIS SONG.LOVE THIS GROUP. its such a revelation and its so beautiful.The Lyrics are powerful.Sometimes you have so much rain in your life. So many problems and trials and sometimes they dont Go away so easily. Ive been there before and most of time still there.You can be at that breaking point where you just want to give up. But P. switched and said just dance in the rain.GENIUS.LISTEN.LET IT MOVE YOU."Cuz if I go I'll ill miss the rainbow that's created for this.I'll just dance in the rain"

Anthony hamiltion-Point of it all

Am i the only one who hates change?.I feel like im still tryin to put together pieces that dont fit. im trying to hold on to the past which is gone. Dag im lookin forward to my future but i wish that you could steal some of the past n put it in the future.But im not God and i know he knows whats best.Its just sometimes its hard to deal with the present. Ive never been able to cope with letting things go...not at all. Maybe hes tryna grow me up from that.Im seriously haveing the peter pan complex and not tryna grow up.Being an adult is scary and changing what you knew you whole life to be is scarier. Esp since a HUGE part of mine was snatched from me.Dag I miss You sooo much. i wish you could relive the past for a bit longer. just rewind and live there for a second. I gotta except reality, but until then im still carrying around those puzzle pieces.
P.S- the song has nothin to do with my post.Im just in love with that song and cant stop playin

The happyness 2 my insomnia

Have to steal some of words out of Rachael Zoe's vocab while looking at AlexanderMcQueen Resort 2010 Collection"I'd Die". He was inspired by the idea of artist in his studio& its soo evident. Its laden with brush stroke and line prints as well as ridiculously POP color leggings.The blue and white number was hand painted, insert again "I'D DIE!!!!!!!!!!" I can always count on my man Mcqueen to give me something mid blowingly unique.

walk in your clouds

Again so ever amazed by God.I am sooo feeling him as my bff to the extreme power lol. But on the for real hes really been amazing 2 me.Ive really been trying to put forth a REAL effort in reading his word and walking in it. Trusting in his promises that he will give me my hearts desire and guess what....HE DID!!! man im feeling so blessed & i havent said that/felt that in a loooong time. yea i still have struggles and really hard ones at that. i may not have all the friends that i want to be there but God is showing me quality over quantity is best. Life is no where near perfect but im seeing some things really manifest.Im walking so much into my desitiny and so happy that im not where i thought i wanted to be.Im so happy that i can stand on my own and not be sooo needy and desperate like i see some people becoming.You feel like your missing it but really you're the stronger one.
But i digress......Ive been praying for things that have been problems for years.Some of those stunt my confidence in myself and my gifts.But after using those gifts this summer and esp after the gospel gogo performance im thinkin....Dag man with God on my side IM pretty frickin awsome. Ive been prayin on a job and it looks like i have a really good one for 6 weeks with great pay and great experience.I was blessed to get a BRAND NEW Singer sewing machiene(Like heaven).Im finically blessed and the best thing is not from material things.Its peace and understanding. Peace with how weird and cool he made me even if not many notice my worth.Understanding with where hes taking me.Its so awesome.I fought it not knowing there was a rainbow after the storm.Take the leap& walk in your cloud-GATSBY

Ephinay#1 pitful or powerful,you cant be both

Wow God Just dropped this on me today and it was such revelation, a revelation i tend on grasping completely. im really at a point now where hes making me choose. i want so much sometimes to just be ordinary and ignore the unique gifts he put inside of me. Its hard for me to step out there and just do cuz i have such a high anxiety about whats gonna happen if i mess up.SATAN IS A BASTARD BABY!!! as my sister would say.He has me so stuck on fear for ye years that now realize that it gets you nowhere.Second Guessing yourself makes you mess up even more.I'm so tired of being like "if only i wasn't nervous i would've.." "if only i wasn't scared i would've...." NOW I'M READY TO JUMP OUT THERE FLAWS AND ALL, even if it means crashing.
THE TEST:I really love singing and ministering through song. Ive always wanted to be in a band but it never happened. then the door opened not only to be in a band but to also perform one of the tye tribbett songs i rearranged. I had my moment to step in and i flopped. Instead of being free and just singing i focused to much on my flaw which was pitch.I get even pitcher and self conscious as time grew.It was all so much pressure for me with other things that i dealt with that i had to take a break.=[ Now the chance has arrived again Today! Even though i haven't rehearsed the song in a while and was put on spot to sing it. the question came up to either be pitiful or powerful. I decided to be powerful and now i not only sound better but it feels soo natural. Im in pitch, i have volume and im more confident. TRULY GOD!
THE ANSWER: Stop letting Fear of People dictate things in your Life.God may bless you with something and you say you cant do it.AGAIN SATAN IS A BASTARD BABY. U already you have all the tools you need you just have to pick up the wrench and use them. im tired of watching others use there tools.Ive wipe the rust off and now i ready to fix cars and show the world what Gatsby is really about.Are you tired of being pitiful?Come on Guys and Dolls LETS BE POWERFUL!!

Jeremy Scottt haunts my daydreams when im awake

He's Shaking up Adidas with his Avant Garde take on sportswear. I Luv Luv Luv it. Fringe with sweat pants, bustier with gym shorts! I think im in heaven.Its refreshing to see someone really take Adidas in a diff direction. Ive never been a fan but now i think im going to have to submit. Check out some of the look book

day n nite%neon tye dye & turqouise eyliner

wow im so jittery 2nite. its 1:40 and i dont feel a drop of sleepiness. i really need to go 2 bed because i have to be at the at the art institute open house at 11:00. Im soo not a morning person, so i need to have my tush in bed so i can be up early enough to put together my first impression outfit. If i didnt spend all my money @ the MAC counter last week i wouldve bought some really jazzy or neon folders n binders. I know it may sound a little crazy but i take first impressions seriously. Since 3rd grade ive always made sure ive decorated all my school suplies. Most of the time i couldnt afford to get the really cute Lisa Frank flimsy binders, i had to go econimical. but i hate for things to be boring- so i teared up all the pictures out of vogue magazine and bought all the cute dollar store stickers and pasted them over everything. Bland folders became eye catching and unique. Everyone was able to get a glimspe of what i was about. I guess it shouldnt be a surprise that now i have a habit of Decorating EVERYTHING. If i go to a workshop or confrence and get a binder ill imeddiately scribble my signature or whip out some stickers from my bag. Usually ill have my own binder and folders- so that theyre impressed when they see that i thought ahead. i love seeing that smile on theyre faces.Just like in 3rd grade, theyre seeing what im about also
even though my plan is a little different from most seniors, im okay with it. Im on Gods Journey and ive learned that theres many different paths to get to one journey and everyone travels them differently. Im one of those travelers. yea its really hard becuz ppl dont undertstand the plan in full. they may think im trying to be lazy but what they dont know is that my hunger for success farrr out ways any thing theyve ever seen! i dream all the time, day n nite and spend so much time perfecting my craft-just waiting until God finishes polishing it. then I'm gone! Taking the world by storm.
1:56 a.m and i still havent said was i was suppose to say.Im excited about tommrow. No folders n binders but i do have a lime greem tie dye tank,turqouise liquid eyliner and a hello kitty messenger bag.Its like really seeing my future in my grasp when sometimes it seems so far away. i feel confident and i have a good feeling in my belly.=] This just may be it.
-GATSBY

Sweet dreams(Or thoughts)

WOW I'm just thinking about how amazing Life is and how good God is.Background:So i'm sitting here talking to my lovely friend about sum issues she was havin and giving her advice. Shes just telling me how hard it is for her to overcome some things and how she just cant stop doing stuff!The way she was talking it was if she was a leaper, alone in the world with this crazy diease.Then I told her how I struggle with stuff too and how I try to pray every morning to have stregnth to stay away from them.It was just up this morning I was asking God to help me stay stable in the changes i've made and to have more strength to make new changes that im too scared to make. The whole convo just showed much how even though we think we're so different were so much alike.

I may wake up in Africa and you may wake up in Hong Kong. I may ride a bus to school while you may walk.I may go to buy my food from the grocery store and your grocery store can be in youre back yard. whatever the case,Everyone in the world is struggling with something. where all linked together trying to fight off our demons daily and win the victory. Each day is a new chapter in our book and no matter how different the cover, we all have the same Theme.

Ive never thought about life like that,everyone in the world waking up with a similar agenda.God has really made this world cool. The blessing is we have help everyday to get us out of bed. Ive had time where ive been at school and was like i dont even know how i got here! lol answer:Gods grace."No matter if you feel alone, everyones struggling, just call on JC for strength"-Gatsby

Nightmare 1:Facebook and Hot kicks

The Kicks

There Canal street AF1 and theyre sooo hot. FYI canal street is a street in New York where vendors sell not off everything,from Gucci to prada.As you see the shoe has every print from Coach to Chanel.At first a hated them cuz i hate nothing more than a label whore but when I found out what Canal street really was, I saw them as art. You have to have creativty to think of something like this.

FaceBOOK

So I'm on face book & I got an epiphany of some sorts: I see that everyone has like a million pictures. Its facebook so of course right. We put tons of pictures of us doing nothing, Like eating french fries, shopping, our 4th of july outift. We post all these statuses tailing our every movement. "Gatsby is showering" "Gatsby is at the doctors". Like anyone really cares that you took a shower? You should be taking a shower, its a daily routine! But i digress...I said all that to say we do all these things, create "interesting statuses" and put up crazy pictures, all to prove to people that our life is great. True you are just keeping people up to date but there can be another side.Have you ever thought about it? Why else do you have to let peopleevery time you're partying.A part of you does so that people can look with some sort of awe of jelaousy(Depinding on the person lol). But what is a picture? it can say a thousand words but not paint reality. Aside from cool pictures and fun stats what is life really for you? When you turn the monitor off are you going off to do a business deal? Are you creating a bussines plan for your life? Do you spend time with God healing yourself and stopping destrcutive habits. Facebook can make anyone depressed if you dont have it going on in the way that matters most to ppl(how many times you hangout,what you wear hanging out, how baaaad you are). But what makes me joyous is that even though I may not have 1000,000 pics of me puking in cancun, or shopping in L.A, im making moves in my life that are setting me up to have a bomb future. What matters most are the moves thats made unseen. Isnt it spelndid? The seeds that are unseen are reaping a harvest of accomplishments that will be seen-Gatsby

Welcome to my nightmare

It is truly the thing that keeps me up at night and my worst habit. I'm addicted to thinking and most of the time about Fashion. The way a garment moves keeps me up trying to replicate it. The things I see on the everyday keeps me up analyzing it. How in the world did Christian Loubotini create such a luscious stiletto that makes me craaaave it every time I see a pair? Why in the world are 14 year old kids cussing out old people in the family dollar? When i should be asleep i'm thinking,always trying to find a soulution to make the world better. Whether that be making the hottest zebra multi color print bubble skirt or telling the girl on the coner about God. Its all the same and I wear my Insomnia like a badge.