Thursday, November 19, 2009

Tyler Shields Kills me, in the best way possible.

Now that im getting into photography, im always looking at different photographers work.Aside from dave a la chapelle, there are very few that ppl that share my dirty, rough, and alot of times controversial aestic. I loved him because his pics and witty and just dirty, in the cleanest way possible.=]

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Why me suddenly makes sense

Ever been one of those why me? people. I sure enough have. For a huge part of my life, I've always wondered why me? why do i have to be person who gets these things thrown at her in life? Why am i suffering when my friends are chillin? why are they chillin when im the one who really has a realtionship with christ while most of them are out clappin @ the go-gos! Sometimes i think the way i was livin my life was in vain. i mean im having faith and im commited 2 God, spending time, praising, helping out, doing what seems like everything right(but im no where near perfect). and as soon as it comes time for me to swipe my faith card, the chasier gives me it back saying acess denied. Today was one of those days. In the mist of turmoil i was rocking my faith t-shirt, speaking word, praying, crying out to him and when i just knew it would work didnt. I tried to hold it together, but then i fell into the Why Me? I was pissed off, crying, and when God finally did make a way out of the situation i didnt even want to part my lips 2 say Thank you. I was still stuck on the why me?( which ladies & fellas is a dangerous place)
Once I got home and got a chance to get out of my feelings i was ashamed of myself. i know everyone has their down moments, but it made me upset to think that i wiped out all the miracolous blessings God did for me in a matter on minutes. all because one thing didnt go how i wanted it to. This is def something i struggle with, wondering why suffering happens to good ppl. Then i was able to pick up my word and see that God purifies our life through trials. with Job he use that test as an oppurtunity to build charecter and faith. just like job, i was shown that i was a lil self rightoues and prideful. But now i see that Gods ways and not our ways. I will never understand why what happened 2day happened, or why my father passed.I have fully understood that we will never understand suffering. But through our trials we build strength and charecter. I am alot stronger now then i was then, not only that but im, blessed even more. God does so much that we take for granted. here i am wishing that i wouldnt have the up side down rollercoaster of happiness and trials, when i see so many poor people in the street who dont even have money to order from the dollar menu.Look for a blessing even in your trial, theres always a rainbow after a storm.Your delay is nevera denal. Just keep pushing. Im a walking testimony, things do get better