Look Ma! No Hair!

So with all the new exciting things in my life i decided to pick up my blog again =] Not really concerened with the followers, although Gabby f. baby does like that. But with everything happening so fast, when i get downtime its great to look back and reminicse. So first things first.....I cut my hair!!! It was a rash & great decison. Ive always been known for my hair whether it be her it be about my long or short, and it was cool having random ppl stop you and ask you a million questions. Most of the time ppl were amazed that i would dye it so many colors,( purple, green,blue, red,pink) without using any kind of track, & as well as the texture. Ive been blessed with thick hair, and long( before i cut it) so ive never had to rely on fake hair to execute my vision. I usually switch my hair styles like switch my undies. But it got to a point where it became my identity. I would feel depressed if i didnt have that fresh cut! and thought i wasnt beautiful without my golden locks. So i cut it off. I challenged myself to love myself whether it looked good or not. I cant lie, i was worried to death i would be fugly, but i didnt want what others would think to hold me captive to not making a decision i wanted to make. *Tune in the clippers* Now im all Natural, with a curly mohawk and a killer shape up. I now get rest, can swim without worrying about my color, and go on rollercoaster rides without worrying about my hair(though i still dont think ill be hoping on any one of those soon) Plus! I still get so many compliments, if not more! So many women say that their inspired by me, especially plus size women like myself who think they have to hide behind their hair. But ladies, with my strut and cut, i get way more looks when i pass by : Lesson learned:Its always good to evolve your look....

Three words: Brandon Mycal Symth

Ok...sooo...Im in love with him lol hes on the disney channel sonny with a chance as crazy grady! So hes not drop dead goregous, and hes not uber sexy. But theres something about him, that makes me want to stare at him all day. Never really been a girl on looks, but mostly about swag/ personality. Since hes on disney i thought i was crushing on a youngin- but he was born in 89, which means hes 20! Hes crazy funny, very stylish, and just seems like a really good guy= so sexy 2 me. Brandon if your ever in the dmv, please get at me ;)

Tyler Shields Kills me, in the best way possible.

Now that im getting into photography, im always looking at different photographers work.Aside from dave a la chapelle, there are very few that ppl that share my dirty, rough, and alot of times controversial aestic. I loved him because his pics and witty and just dirty, in the cleanest way possible.=]

Why me suddenly makes sense

Ever been one of those why me? people. I sure enough have. For a huge part of my life, I've always wondered why me? why do i have to be person who gets these things thrown at her in life? Why am i suffering when my friends are chillin? why are they chillin when im the one who really has a realtionship with christ while most of them are out clappin @ the go-gos! Sometimes i think the way i was livin my life was in vain. i mean im having faith and im commited 2 God, spending time, praising, helping out, doing what seems like everything right(but im no where near perfect). and as soon as it comes time for me to swipe my faith card, the chasier gives me it back saying acess denied. Today was one of those days. In the mist of turmoil i was rocking my faith t-shirt, speaking word, praying, crying out to him and when i just knew it would work out...it didnt. I tried to hold it together, but then i fell into the Why Me? I was pissed off, crying, and when God finally did make a way out of the situation i didnt even want to part my lips 2 say Thank you. I was still stuck on the why me?( which ladies & fellas is a dangerous place)
Once I got home and got a chance to get out of my feelings i was ashamed of myself. i know everyone has their down moments, but it made me upset to think that i wiped out all the miracolous blessings God did for me in a matter on minutes. all because one thing didnt go how i wanted it to. This is def something i struggle with, wondering why suffering happens to good ppl. Then i was able to pick up my word and see that God purifies our life through trials. with Job he use that test as an oppurtunity to build charecter and faith. just like job, i was shown that i was a lil self rightoues and prideful. But now i see that Gods ways and not our ways. I will never understand why what happened 2day happened, or why my father passed.I have fully understood that we will never understand suffering. But through our trials we build strength and charecter. I am alot stronger now then i was then, not only that but im, blessed even more. God does so much that we take for granted. here i am wishing that i wouldnt have the up side down rollercoaster of happiness and trials, when i see so many poor people in the street who dont even have money to order from the dollar menu.Look for a blessing even in your trial, theres always a rainbow after a storm.Your delay is nevera denal. Just keep pushing. Im a walking testimony, things do get better

Iron sharpens Iron

Its so hard to see that the hardest things you go through now is what makes you stronger in the future. i was just chilling the other day Thanking God how all those times i wanted to stop i didnt. ive been through some ruff things in my life & at the moment i really kept questioning why in the world am i going through this. Little did i know things such as me being friendless sometimes would make me a stronger and independent person. I hate seeing some people not being able to be ok being by themselves. Always wanting to be around someone, always have to be texting someone, and cant stand on their own two feet. I love the fact that i dont need peoples attention to make me happy! it sounds all good but it took a lot of sad nights to get to where im at now.I just keep thinking, man if i wouldve gave up when i wanted to, i wouldn't be able to be the amazing, beautiful, and blessed person that i am today.
My youth pastor said "iron sharpens iron". man is that true. im back at one of those spots again, where im like God whats happening man? why you changing up stuff i thought everything was cool.? the funny thing about God is that you never know what hes going to do & when hes going to do it or how hard its going to be. Like i menetioned in my other blog i hate change, and right now i really wish this certain situation would be left alone but im not God. & As much as i hate this decision i know its the right one( i guess =[ lol) im dreading it alot but it has brought me a little closer to God. I'm able to be more real with him and i saw how great of a super duper bff he is =] As hard as it is, i have to trust God and let him comfort me in my sadness(Matthew 5:4)~Gatsby

SHUT UP &JUMP

Psalm 56:4 "In God I will praise his word, in God I have put my trust:I will not fear what flesh can do unto me." Dag God did you write this scripture with exactly with me in mind? In my midst of spending time with God, he had me stumble across some great word. The theme has been recurring over and over in my Life. Ive been meet with some challenges that have MADE me step into my potential that Ive been so afraid to let out. My pastor Preached on success on Sunday. Now i find this amazing article about fear from the Joyce Meyer Website(Shes a really cool straightforward preacher).
"While doubt is the fear of making mistakes and having negative things happen to us, confidence is having faith in God’s love for us."-Joyce Meyer. I read this and then i got a big ol Epiphany right upside my head! *BANG* I never realized where my trouble with making decisions came from. From those of y'all know me, know that i have so much trouble making decisions. I will spend 10-20 minutes deciding what earrings i will buy. I will put them back, pick them up, leave the store, come back and get them, then put them back lol Yo Just last nite i spent 20 minutes tryna decide what kind of ben & jerrys ice cream i wanted. i circled the supermarket about two times, tryna make my decision. I never though about the fact that put some much pressure on decisions because im so fearful of being wrong.i have a lot of gifts(modeling,singing,acting) that ive never tapped into nearly as much as i shouldve because im afraid of looking stupid.But God didn't give the spirit of fear! After years of being indecisive and calling up everybody n theyre mama to help me make decisions.Im ready to do what Gods put inside of me. Im ready to jump full on and if i crash and burn then at least ill crash and burn wearing the hottest outfit.-Gatsby

I'll Just Dance in the rain yo.

LOVE THIS SONG.LOVE THIS GROUP. its such a revelation and its so beautiful.The Lyrics are powerful.Sometimes you have so much rain in your life. So many problems and trials and sometimes they dont Go away so easily. Ive been there before and most of time still there.You can be at that breaking point where you just want to give up. But P. switched and said just dance in the rain.GENIUS.LISTEN.LET IT MOVE YOU."Cuz if I go I'll ill miss the rainbow that's created for this.I'll just dance in the rain"

Anthony hamiltion-Point of it all

Am i the only one who hates change?.I feel like im still tryin to put together pieces that dont fit. im trying to hold on to the past which is gone. Dag im lookin forward to my future but i wish that you could steal some of the past n put it in the future.But im not God and i know he knows whats best.Its just sometimes its hard to deal with the present. Ive never been able to cope with letting things go...not at all. Maybe hes tryna grow me up from that.Im seriously haveing the peter pan complex and not tryna grow up.Being an adult is scary and changing what you knew you whole life to be is scarier. Esp since a HUGE part of mine was snatched from me.Dag I miss You sooo much. i wish you could relive the past for a bit longer. just rewind and live there for a second. I gotta except reality, but until then im still carrying around those puzzle pieces.
P.S- the song has nothin to do with my post.Im just in love with that song and cant stop playin