Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Its so hard to see that the hardest things you go through now is what makes you stronger in the future. i was just chilling the other day Thanking God how all those times i wanted to stop i didnt. ive been through some ruff things in my life & at the moment i really kept questioning why in the world am i going through this. Little did i know things such as me being friendless sometimes would make me a stronger and independent person. I hate seeing some people not being able to be ok being by themselves. Always wanting to be around someone, always have to be texting someone, and cant stand on their own two feet. I love the fact that i dont need peoples attention to make me happy! it sounds all good but it took a lot of sad nights to get to where im at now.I just keep thinking, man if i wouldve gave up when i wanted to, i wouldn't be able to be the amazing, beautiful, and blessed person that i am today.
My youth pastor said "iron sharpens iron". man is that true. im back at one of those spots again, where im like God whats happening man? why you changing up stuff i thought everything was cool.? the funny thing about God is that you never know what hes going to do & when hes going to do it or how hard its going to be. Like i menetioned in my other blog i hate change, and right now i really wish this certain situation would be left alone but im not God. & As much as i hate this decision i know its the right one( i guess =[ lol) im dreading it alot but it has brought me a little closer to God. I'm able to be more real with him and i saw how great of a super duper bff he is =] As hard as it is, i have to trust God and let him comfort me in my sadness(Matthew 5:4)~Gatsby
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Psalm 56:4 "In God I will praise his word, in God I have put my trust:I will not fear what flesh can do unto me." Dag God did you write this scripture with exactly with me in mind? In my midst of spending time with God, he had me stumble across some great word. The theme has been recurring over and over in my Life. Ive been meet with some challenges that have MADE me step into my potential that Ive been so afraid to let out. My pastor Preached on success on Sunday. Now i find this amazing article about fear from the Joyce Meyer Website(Shes a really cool straightforward preacher).
"While doubt is the fear of making mistakes and having negative things happen to us, confidence is having faith in God’s love for us."-Joyce Meyer. I read this and then i got a big ol Epiphany right upside my head! *BANG* I never realized where my trouble with making decisions came from. From those of y'all know me, know that i have so much trouble making decisions. I will spend 10-20 minutes deciding what earrings i will buy. I will put them back, pick them up, leave the store, come back and get them, then put them back lol Yo Just last nite i spent 20 minutes tryna decide what kind of ben & jerrys ice cream i wanted. i circled the supermarket about two times, tryna make my decision. I never though about the fact that put some much pressure on decisions because im so fearful of being wrong.i have a lot of gifts(modeling,singing,acting) that ive never tapped into nearly as much as i shouldve because im afraid of looking stupid.But God didn't give the spirit of fear! After years of being indecisive and calling up everybody n theyre mama to help me make decisions.Im ready to do what Gods put inside of me. Im ready to jump full on and if i crash and burn then at least ill crash and burn wearing the hottest outfit.-Gatsby
Monday, September 7, 2009
LOVE THIS SONG.LOVE THIS GROUP. its such a revelation and its so beautiful.The Lyrics are powerful.Sometimes you have so much rain in your life. So many problems and trials and sometimes they dont Go away so easily. Ive been there before and most of time still there.You can be at that breaking point where you just want to give up. But P. switched and said just dance in the rain.GENIUS.LISTEN.LET IT MOVE YOU."Cuz if I go I'll ill miss the rainbow that's created for this.I'll just dance in the rain"
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Am i the only one who hates change?.I feel like im still tryin to put together pieces that dont fit. im trying to hold on to the past which is gone. Dag im lookin forward to my future but i wish that you could steal some of the past n put it in the future.But im not God and i know he knows whats best.Its just sometimes its hard to deal with the present. Ive never been able to cope with letting things go...not at all. Maybe hes tryna grow me up from that.Im seriously haveing the peter pan complex and not tryna grow up.Being an adult is scary and changing what you knew you whole life to be is scarier. Esp since a HUGE part of mine was snatched from me.Dag I miss You sooo much. i wish you could relive the past for a bit longer. just rewind and live there for a second. I gotta except reality, but until then im still carrying around those puzzle pieces.
P.S- the song has nothin to do with my post.Im just in love with that song and cant stop playin
Friday, September 4, 2009
Have to steal some of words out of Rachael Zoe's vocab while looking at AlexanderMcQueen Resort 2010 Collection"I'd Die". He was inspired by the idea of artist in his studio& its soo evident. Its laden with brush stroke and line prints as well as ridiculously POP color leggings.The blue and white number was hand painted, insert again "I'D DIE!!!!!!!!!!" I can always count on my man Mcqueen to give me something mid blowingly unique.